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Christmas 2008
Dear Humane Society Family,
I’m sorry I haven’t written in so long. It seems like the holidays are a good time to catch up. It’s been a very busy year for me.
After I picked out my new human on the winter solstice last year, she took me home in my big white dagmobile with my new auntie, who smelled deliciously like two other dags. She closed the fence on my new house and took me inside and looked at me, as though asking what I wanted to do next. I jumped up on the couch next to her and let her know that I thought this was swell; the couch was comfortable and the yard was full of smells of evil cats and squirrels that I could chase away. We put on a leash and went out for a walk in a neighborhood with lots of parks and evil cats and evil squirrels and dag smells.
It’s taken me awhile to train my human. At first she needed a leash but I broke her of the habit. Now on our daily walks she obeys without a leash, waiting at the corner for me to walk across the street. Sometimes in the park I need to take a bit of time to check all the p-mail left for me by my friends and sometimes I need to chase an evil squirrel back up a tree where it belongs, but she waits until I can get her safely across the street each time. She gets weird when I chase an evil cat so I quit doing it so she’d quit embarrassing herself.
A few times a week we go over to my auntie’s house and I play with my handsome boyfriend, Dexter, who is really fun but not as fast as me, and his big sister, Bailey, who can be a bit bossy but can also be pretty fun. They have a swell yard with a nice track through some azalea bushes for us to play chase and a dag door so we can come in the house and keep an eye on our humans. I’ve had a few sleepovers with Dexter and Bailey and sometimes we read books with our eye teeth if the humans have been silly enough to leave them out. My human finally got the hint and had a dag door installed at my house so now I can guard the house from my inside couch, my outside couch, the bed I let my human sleep in or the bed in my guest room. I’m very good at guarding. I could easily lick somebody to death or beat them with my tail until they give up.
Sometimes other dags come by for playdates in my yard. We chase each other around and around the house but none of them are as fast as me. My human tried planting some grass for me to have the occasional salad but some of my boyfriends who come over for playdates think they’re supposed to dig it back up.
My human has brought home various silly toys but doesn’t understand very well how to play. She is very slow to retrieve and throw the ball when we play fetch. And she doesn’t have a good concept of a good dag diet as she tried to get me to eat a whole huge rawhide bone. Fortunately I threw it back up and even I didn’t like the way it smelled partially digested.
When I first moved in with her she took me to see Dr. Nicola, The Pet Doctor, who is one of my best friends, even though sometimes she sticks me and sometimes she give my human nasty smelling stuff to rub on me. A few times over the summer we took the big white dag-mobile for a drive and to a wonderful smelling sandy expanse but it was really hot and my human needed to stay on a leash so she wouldn’t misbehave. However, since the weather cooled down she hasn’t had to wear the leash and Dexter and Bailey and I have had a grand old time saving our humans from evil birds and smelling all sorts of new smells.
My human and I would like you to come visit us so I can show you how well trained she is. We don’t know the hours you keep so please let us know whether after work hors d’oeuvres (around six at our house; my human is a pretty good cook) or a Saturday or Sunday brunch would be better for as many people as want to come over. My auntie and Dexter and Bailey would also like to see you.
It’s been a pretty good year for me. Happy holidays.
Pogo - (Pogolini Mazeratti Brown)
Excellent letter!
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